Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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