it hurts more in the daytime
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
