I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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