i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
