thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
