he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
