I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
