Just fell off a train. Bad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
