I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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