Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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