Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
