so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
