everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
