and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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