Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
