is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
