I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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