drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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