I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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