a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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