thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
