I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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