the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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