Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
