So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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