I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
