I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I want a musical about memes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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