I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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