im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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