If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
