I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
