finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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