he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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