So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
