Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
