hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
