I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
