kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
