1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
