I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
