Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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