Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
