Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
