Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
