I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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