you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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