What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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