I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
