I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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