You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
