i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
