if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
