you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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