Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
