im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to calm my uterus...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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