My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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