Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
