the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
