You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
