does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
