he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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