I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
