Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
