So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is my gift to your gina
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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